Here Is My Servant In Who My Soul Delights

Traditionally Isaiah 42:1-9 describes one who is known as the Suffering Servant. There is definitely a sense of weakness and vulnerability about this figure in verses 2 and 3. “Here is my servant… he will not cry or lift up his voice or make it heard in the street”. This is one who lives among ‘bruised reeds’ and ‘dimly burning wicks’. This sounds like a subjugated person, a slave whose spirit has been broken… a man living from day to day who does what he is told.

However I also notice that this is vulnerability & weakness that has been turned on its head.

Scripture also says, “I have put my Spirit upon him”. And the suffering servant’s task is nothing less than bringing equity and justice to the nations. This is one who will redress the imbalance… And Scripture says, “…he will not grow faint or be crushed until he has established justice upon the earth”. Wow ! That is no small task for one who is an exiled foreigner in a strange land.

And what or who makes this possible ? v6 “I am the Lord, I have called you in righteousness, I have taken you by the hand and kept you; I have given you as a covenant to the people, a light to the nations… I am the Lord, that is my name.”

I suppose my question here is, ‘Is this what it means to begin living life in ever increasing circles ?

It’s interesting… Abraham Heschel makes the comment that no other problem has occupied OT scholars more than the identity of the Suffering Servant. Who is he ? Is he the prophet who wrote the passage ? Is the suffering servant the whole of exiled Jewish nation ? Or is he the Messiah, the one who is to come ?

A couple of weeks ago I described the writing of Isaiah as deliciously ambiguous. This means that over time it seems to accrete more & more meaning. While a passage like this sits well within history, it is ambiguous because it also sits above history. In a sense it defies time – it is ageless.

That’s the remarkable thing about the Gospel… When people open themselves to the Spirit of God there is something remarkably consistent about the outcome. It gives people particular priorities, it evidences itself in particular actions, it inspires people with particular visions… Over time it establishes itself in ways that turns everyday experience on its head… Imagine for a moment the audacious possibility of a subjugated exiled foreigner, an alien bringing forth justice to the nations. Imagine an expat community of weakened Jewish exiles without a country being given as “a covenant to the peoples, a light to the nations”.

I call this living life in ever increasing circles…   

Go and Make Disciples

During the week I attended the funeral of my Uncle in Brisbane. He had passed away quietly and in the end quite quickly after a long battle with cancer.

A couple of days before the funeral, I received an unexpected phone call from my cousin, asking me if I would read out the tribute of his brother Wesley.

Unfortunately, my cousin Wes couldn’t be at his Dad’s funeral because he was in Shanghai, in the middle of a 4 week concert tour of Asia, with a children’s’ choir that he conducts.

Now as you can imagine I said, “Sure ! It will be a privilege for me to help”. But getting off that phone, I was also thinking, “Do I really want to go that difficult place of a son struggling to honour the pain of losing a father who has been suddenly taken from him ?”

Yet despite my reluctance I was also fascinated with the things he had to say about his Dad. Let me share some of them with you…

“As a father I sometimes pause and reflect on what legacy I would like to leave my children. I ask myself, ‘What gift can I give that will lay a firm foundation for them to build their lives on ?’ I need look no further to find the answer. If it is true that a life of example speaks the clearest, then there can be no question that my Father’s life spoke with clarity. It spoke with a resonance, consistent with his deep belief in God, his family, hard work and a ripping good laugh.”

“I feel if I can emulate him trying, in my own way, to be the kind of man he was, then I shall come closer to giving to my own sons the necessary values and foundation they will need to live life in this world…”

“I will always be grateful for the Father I had. I will try, for the sake of my own sons, to become equal to his example”.

As you can see, these weren’t easy words to speak but what a privilege it was to share something of my cousin’s deeply held love and respect for his father.

Have you ever noticed how wonderfully clear things become when someone we love, crosses over the threshold into death ?

What I loved about saying these words is the deep insight they give into the way people learn those fundamental, foundational things people need for living in this world.

Children learn how to live by the patterns of living and speaking they are immersed in, in the daily presence of their parents.

It’s true isn’t it, we become like the people we spend the most time with. It’s hard-wired into us as people.

Surely this is the intent of Jesus’ final words, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations… teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you…”

Jesus says, “Go and make disciples…” because discipling ensures disciples become mature, kingdom building followers of Jesus. Discipling makes certain we become like Jesus and do what Jesus does.

The Whole Torah

The Golden Rule. You know Jesus wasn’t the only one to commend the Golden Rule in his teachings. Hillel the Elder – a leading Rabbi of his Age – who was an old man when Jesus was just a boy – was once approached by a non-Jew and asked, “What is the defining essence, the kernel of the Jewish faith ?” Now the learned & wise man could have responded eloquently and long on the deep mysteries of Jewish thought and law. Hillel could have insisted that it would be an utter insult to reduce so profound a system of faith into one brief statement.

Indeed Hillel’s contemporary, the Great Rabbi Shammai, was infamously known for furiously driving away a man who asked a similar question with a stick.

However seeing the man really wanted to know, Hillel responded to the man’s question thoughtfully, saying,

“What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbour: this is the whole Torah. The rest is commentary; now go and study !”

Living Life BIG !

The Sermon on the Mount… I’ve been turning it over again and again and it has been tough reading. I’ve been trying to get a sense of why these words are so exacting.

Then I was reading a story in the newspaper last Saturday and things started to become a whole lot clearer.

In April 1979, under the cover of darkness, Samir Kuntar, along with three other men travelled by rubber dingy, from Lebanon – 5kms into Israeli territory. They came ashore onto the beach at the town of Narhariya. Keep in mind, Samir Kuntar was only 16 yrs old at the time.

It was close to midnight. At random the four – who were members of the Palestinian Liberation Front – chose an apartment block where a young Smadar Haran lived with her husband & two young children.

Amid gunfire & exploding grenades, Kuntar and his accomplices stormed the flat and seized Mrs Haran’s husband, Danny and their four year old daughter. Kuntar forced them down to the beach, where he shot Danny and threw his body into the ocean. The little girl – Einat was forced to watch her father’s die. Then with the butt of his rifle, Kuntar smashed little Einat’s head against a rock until she too was dead.

Back in their apartment, Smadar Haran was hiding in the attic, with a neighbour – cradling her 2 yr old daughter, Yael. Fearing her other daughter’s cries would alert the terrorists, she covered Yael’s mouth with her hand. She accidently suffocated her own child. By night’s end, Smadar Haran’s entire family was dead.

Overwhelmed by the immense tragedy, Smadar Haran faced two choices – to live or to die. Smadar chose life. She trained as a social worker, she remarried a psychologist and today has she two teenage girls.

For the past thirty years the terrorist Samir Kuntar has been a prisoner in an Israeli jail. This last week the Israeli cabinet decided to release Samir Kuntar in exchange for two Israeli soldiers who were taken prisoner two years ago in Lebanon & who are probably dead.

As much as Smadar Haran wanted to escape the ties that bound her to Samir Kuntar, she could not. Now there is an extraordinary twist to the story. The family of one of the abducted Israeli soldiers – Ehud Goldwasser – lives around the corner from her in Narhariya. The two families are close family friends and Smadar Haran even attended the abducted soldier’s wedding.

This last weekm the Israeli cabinet wanted to know how Smadar Haran would feel if Samir Kuntar was released from prison, in exchange for Ehud Goldwasser.

Smadar Haran took a while to answer…

Finally she said, “It’s so delicate and I can’t close my eyes to other people’s pain and I can’t close my heart… Sometimes the best interests might not be my interests, maybe.”

This last week she wrote to the Israeli cabinet freeing it’s members from any guilt they may feel, “Kuntar is not and never was my own private prisoner”.

 “Turn it over and turn it over again, for everything is contained in the Scriptures. Regard it, grow old in it and never abandon it, for there is no greater virtue.”

The teaching of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount seems so demanding because most of us live life within a fairly narrow bandwidth… comfortably, safely ! We are careful with our relationships, associating mostly with people like ourselves.

Yet when I look at the gut wrenching, shattering life experience of Smadar Haran, whose family is murdered and who in fear and terror, suffocates her only other child, a watered down, less demanding version of the Sermon on the Mount just doesn’t cut it.

Jesus says don’t let anger be your response to the world because anger distorts your judgement, anger gives way to bitterness and shuts us down emotionally, even to the ones we love. Jesus says don’t strike back in revenge but give and forgive those who wrong you because revenge hardens hearts and sets up cycles of violence that take on a life of their own. Jesus says love your enemies because love even allows a poor widow to powerfully protest and transcend institutional evil and the selfish, conflicted ways of men.  

The Sermon on the Mount. These words of Jesus are life, abundant, generous & open. They create the space for us to live life BIG, even when the storms of life come.

He Who Saves One Life, Saves the World Entire

Living life naked and exposed in the presence of God himself. I think this is what Jesus has in mind in his teaching of the Sermon on the Mount… why it is so demanding. We are not merely talking about Jesus giving new order to the parameters of Jewish religious life or even temple worship, but the Spirit of God being granted access and transforming all areas of life. Anything that has God in such close proximity is deeper, wider and higher than ordinary living.

You see when we dwell in close proximity to the Scriptures, when we turn them over again and again, when look back over their writing down through the ages – something becomes very clear. God has priorities. God desires some things more than he desires others…   

Like the time Jesus calls Matthew the tax collector. Jesus is sitting eating a meal openly with a number of tax collectors and other social outcasts. Some Pharisees are walking by and they ask Jesus’ disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with those kinds of people ?” And Jesus, hearing what they are saying, turns to them and replies, “Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy not sacrifice’”. 

Jesus says this because as a good Jew who had memorised the Torah, word for word – Jesus knows God’s priorities. God desires mercy more than he desires sacrifice. God desires compassion more than he desires contemplation. God desires our hearts more than he desires our intellectual ascent.

Why ? Because the goal of life isn’t purity and holiness – that’s a by-product. The goal of life is an intensity of living, a fullness of life, concretely focused into habits of action that help to repair the brokenness of a hurting world. It’s like the Jewish Talmud says, “He who saves one life, saves the world entire.”

Really Turning the Other Cheek

“You have heard it said, ‘You shall not murder’ and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment’. But I say to you that if you are angry with your brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment…”.

“You have heard it said, ‘An eye for an eye…’. But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also…”.

 “You have heard it said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…”.

 

I really feel the stretch of Jesus’ teaching in these passages from the Sermon on the Mount. When I reflect on how my own life measures up to the Sermon on the Mount, I have a sense of missing the mark, of failing daily. In my darker moments I would be sorely tempted to just… give up !

Now, I also balance this with the tension of experiencing God’s grace, of my sense of assurance that the blood of Jesus covers my sin, that before the throne of God I am already declared pure, holy, acceptable, with a righteousness that is not my own. The freedom of it allows me to enter boldly into the presence of God Himself.

While the grace of God releases me from the overwhelming sense of guilt that comes from working hard for salvation, I also wrestle with the tension of scriptures like Mt 5:20, that says, “unless our righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, we will never enter into the Kingdom of Heaven…”. What about John 14:12 where Jesus says, “The one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and in fact will do greater works than these…”. 

Words like these create tension, they create discomfort and uneasiness within us about the teachings of Jesus. I wonder if the anxiety & dissonance is Jesus’ intention, indeed God’s intention for Scripture in general ?  You see I think God can work with us in those places. He wants access to all areas of our lives. I think these are the teachable moments, the places where Jesus teachings can be translated into meaningful action that flavours our total response to living. 

Rather like a wise man who builds his house upon the rock….

 

Tower of Babel, Translating Genesis 11

”What happens when mission comes home ?”

The story of the Tower of Babel in Genesis 11 captures for me the essence of the answer to this question. It begins with the Shems. Long ago, they came to the great plain of Shinar and they settled there. Now the Shems were an industrious people. They were clever & resourceful and they said to each other, “Come let us make some bricks and fire them in the fire…”. So the Shems got working and in time they built a safe and a functional town with a wall all around.

The Shems took great pride in what they were able to achieve together. Their confidence grew and so did their vision. They said to one another, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches up into the skies”. So they got working. And as each building was completed, the Shems grew in learning and wisdom and civic pride. Finally, they had the courage to begin working on the centrepiece of the city – the Great Tower. Day after day they worked on the foundations. Then, they began working on the tower itself and soon the tower was dwarfing every other building in the city.

Spurred on by their ever-expanding vision, the Shems grew bolder still. They said to one another, “Now that we have our city and our tower, let us make a NAME for ourselves, so that we are not scattered over the face of all the earth.”

In this moment the Shems came to the particular attention of God. God descended from heaven and God saw their handiwork. Heisenberg’s principle says the act of observing a phenomena changes it. God saw the city of the Shems, with its tower reaching up into the skies and God discerned the future. He said, “This is only the beginning of what they will do… soon nothing they propose will be too hard for them”.

So God acted. He said, “Come, let us go down and confuse their speech so they will no longer understand each other”. God drew near to the city, he confused the speech of the Shems and they stopped building their tower. God confounded the words of the Shems and he scattered them over the face of the earth. That is why the city is named Babel – ‘City of Confusion’ and why people speak with such a diversity of languages.

I really like that this narrative makes abundantly clear what happens when the Spirit of God comes near to a group of people who have become self-satisfied, complacent and who have closed the circle. It’s a missional story because this is what happens whenever people allow themselves to be overwhelmed by the Spirit of God.

Traditionally we tend to view God’s scattering of the Shems as punishment. Yet for me, this idea of the Spirit of God drawing near and breaking open the circle… this image of tremendous energy and diversity being released; of the Shems moving outwards, speaking a great diversity of languages… all of this sounds like an amazing outpouring of God’s blessing. It sounds like Pentecost in Acts 2.

This is what happens when mission comes home. 

Go And Learn What This Means

Sometimes blogging intensifies the chances of people missing each other. At times it seems to lack the intimacy of two friends who through an effort together can clarify confusion or continue speaking about an issue until they vibrate in tune.

 

Recently I asked the question, “What would happen if we allowed mission to become the focus of our churches instead of worship ?” Out of the hit and miss world of the internet I got back this comment… “A church that is first and foremost mission-oriented is a church of works. Works are both wonderful and needed in the world but they must be God working through us rather than us doing what make us feel good…” Now keep in mind I titled my post, ‘I Desire Mercy Not Sacrifice’… This is a direct quote from Matthew 9:13, where Jesus is being criticized by his rabbinic peers for eating with the wrong kinds of people. Jesus is reminding the Pharisees of a verse from Hosea that is saying that true knowledge of God translates into merciful actions on behalf of undeserving others rather than pious temple sacrifices.

 

I make no apology for saying it is time to refocus the church around the organizing principle of mission when the church is losing ground in this country. I’d have no trouble gathering around the organizing principle of worship if 80%, 70% even 60% of people in our communities declared the Lordship of Jesus. The problem is the truth that on any given Sunday there is less than 10% of people who do that.

 

Jesus says to the Pharisees, “Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice…” because fundamentally discipleship means being a sent one. The Kingdom of God propels people out into a hurting world to engage with those who don’t yet know Jesus, to stand in solidarity with them where they are, to serve them compassionately, mercifully. Amazing grace is the knowledge of God expressed as compassionate action among undeserving men. John 20:21 sums up this idea, “As the Father sent me, so I send you…”.  

“Doing what makes us feel good”… for me this kind of activity is costly, mostly sacrificial… going against the flow. When I think back to my experiences of mission in Africa and South East Asia sometimes they were oh so sweet, often they were just plain hard. Yet the stretch of those experiences made me more God dependent, more sensitive to what the Spirit of God was doing.  

I pray for the refocusing of the church around the organizing principle of mission because the organizing principle of worship isn’t releasing the Kingdom of God and holy bedlam into our communities.

 

“Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream” (Amos 5:24) The prophet Amos spoke these words because his vision of Yahweh was the vision of the missionary God – the mystery of a never-ending surging, fighting movement.

The Undecidable Ghost or Derrida Revisited

I have been thinking about life out on the margins. For a while now, I have been particularly interested recently in what lies beyond the boundary of the margin – chaos. It strikes me that Jesus walking on the water in the storm is Jesus at ease in a field of chaos. Jesus deliberately takes his disciples into that place. There Jesus is neither terrified or diminished. We usually talk about the Jesus who calms the storm – what about Jesus creating the storm ?

When Jesus is walking out on the water and the disciples see him they think he is ‘a ghost’. Jacques Derrida says there is something interesting about ghosts – he calls them ‘an undecidable’. The figure of a ghost seems to be neither present or absent or it is both present & absent at the same time. There is a tension – a dissonance in this in-between place that breaks open the meaning of things. 

Life has many such tensions. The story of Jesus – the ghost – walking on the water is one. Our faith is based on the rock-solid idea that Jesus is the God-man ! Think about that tension – the church fathers argued about how that was possible for nearly three centuries. As Derrida says there is an uneasy tension in those kinds of paradoxes and for me that isn’t rock solid – that is dynamic & fluid – expanding and intensifying then contracting again – forming and un-forming – like Galadriel when she is offered the ring by Frodo in the ‘Fellowship of the Ring’. 

When I think about Jesus as the Rock, it makes me think about perspective. For example, from a distance a large company like Walmart appears rock solid – institutional, a solid pillar of free market retailing. Yet I wonder if the daily experience of Walmart up close is more asymmetrical & dynamic – a lot less certain. Jesus called Peter ‘the Rock’ and he was all over the place.

When the disciples respond in terror to Jesus walking on water and in fear to the storm – Jesus’ movement is toward them and His words restore peace – easing their discomfort. Jesus is rock solid & consistent in his expression of the pathos of God – God’s compassion & care ! Yet peace on the waters comes at the expense of stepping away from the experience of Jesus in his Glory !

GK Chesterton in his book ‘Orthodoxy’ says, “… the more I considered Christianity, the more I found that while it established a rule and order, the chief aim of that order was to give room for good things to run wild.”

Give me a Jesus who is rock solid but also give me an elastic Jesus who expands and intensifies to become a volcano in full vent !

 

The World Breaks Everyone

‘Myanmar Refugees’, May 2008

We live in a fallen world – a world where we fall often and hard… a world where survival depends on learning to get back up again.  There is harshness, rawness – an ever so sharp edge to just plain living. When the elemental forces of nature gather, concentrate suddenly and unleash their power, people perish in great numbers. This is life annihilated, extinguished without meaning.  Survivors stand on the edge of a great abyss & question the very presence of God in the world,

“How could a God of mercy & compassion, the very ruler of the universe allow such a thing to happen ?”

The fragility of life on this ball of rock we call Earth, hurtling moment by moment through space. The invisible forces that hold it in relation to the sun in such a way that biological life is sustainable – mostly not too hot and not too cold – that is as amazing as it is precarious. Indeed that there is life on this planet in the midst of the vast darkness & coldness of space is a miracle. I like what Ernest Hemingway says about suffering. He says,

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry…”

There is an inherent vulnerability and weakness in living. Yet it is also built into us to fight and resist almost to the last breath. It is our survival instinct – the quickening that courses through our veins whenever we are in proximity to death.  The truth of life is its tenacity, its vigor in the face of death. Maybe that’s what it means to stamped with the image of God.

The good news of the Scriptures is that the suffering of people invokes the pathos of God.

God says to Moses, “I have observed the suffering of my people… I have heard their cry… I know their sufferings and I have come to deliver them…”.

The good news is God hears the cries of the suffering ones. God is not an abstraction dwelling in the lonely splendor of eternity. God is concretion itself – present and accessible – suffering alongside his people. 

Small Boat, BIG Sea…

We all live on margins of chaos. Like Noah floating on waters cocooned in his boat, we too create microcosms of order and pray to our Maker for preservation. To dwell on the edge for a while pushing outwards, encountering difference violently rams chaos back into our imagination – shocking, even paralysing creative, playful action.   



When Peter stepped out of the boat it was two steps beyond the reason of a smart fisherman. It was an illogical step towards a dangerous Jesus who was filling that place with His glory & their boat with water. It was also a second step towards encountering Jesus on his terms. In that place a fisherman can walk on water. Yet we read that fear overtakes Peter. He ‘noticed the strong wind’ & was overwhelmed by a fisherman’s chaos. Suddenly Peter is the wily fish catcher being swallowed by an angry sea.
 


Jesus presence out on the lake expands & intensifies in the storm and though this movement is towards the Holy – towards otherness – he is never out of reach. The overwhelming compassion of Jesus is the redemptive action that restores equilibrium, brings back peace – calms the storm. 
 


The patience of God & the opportunity of another chance…
 
How often am I limited by what I believe without question ? When newness & difference draws near, intensifying feeling to anxiety & fear, so often I retreat back into the safety of the known. During those times I am conservative & less perceptive. I hang on tightly to structure & boundaries until I fight chaos back to the margins.
 


The story of a leaky boat and BIG waters says there is a tension in being a Jesus follower. Beyond Rock and Redeemer – the safe and familiar Jesus is forever restless, intense & dangerously Holy. Sometimes he compels us to experience his Grandeur through all 5 senses with the volume turned right up – like a splinter in the imagination.
 


Six times this rather annoying narrative appears in the gospels. Each time Jesus rises up and the followers of Jesus retreat back. How many times must such story be told ? Seventy times seven ? 
Until his disciples find courage to STAY & embrace missional action !

Psalm 22: a subtext to “My God, my God why have you forsaken me ?”

When fear threatens to push us over the verge, when we are overwhelmed by weakness – sometimes we engage in self-talk. Self-talk may seem like the first sign of madness but actually it is profoundly life affirming – a response of hope. This is what we see as the pattern in Psalm 22.  Imagine Jesus on the cross crying out in pain, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me ?”

And then a voice comes back to him reassuring, “Yet you oh God, are holy… in you our ancestors trusted; they trusted and you delivered them. To you they cried and they were saved.”

Picture Jesus being mocked and spat upon, his clothes being squabbled over as though he is already dead.  And out of the darkness a voice gently whispers, “Commit your cause to the Lord… let him rescue the one in whom he delights…”

Now imagine Jesus overwhelmed with fatigue, hardly able to breath. His tongue is sticking to the inside of his mouth, like a dried up piece of pottery.

And these words come back forthrightly, defiantly like a soothing balm, “But you oh Lord, come quickly to my aide. Deliver my soul… save my life from the power of the dog. Save me from the mouth of the lion”.

Now remember Jesus was a good Jew. From the age of fifteen onwards he would have been able to recite all the words of the Torah by heart. Imagine a chorus of voices proclaiming the mighty anthem, “All the ends of the earth shall remember and return to the Lord: and all the families of the nations shall worship before him. For dominion belongs to the Lord and he rules over the nations.”

The words of Psalm 22 take us into the interior world of Jesus. Most importantly, they fill his cry of dereliction and abandonment, with the intimate presence of the Father.

Out on West St…

Moving against the flow…

I have a confession to make… I was out driving on West St the other morning, when all of a sudden I was breaking 3 fairly major driving rules… Firstly, thou shalt not drive on the other side road… Secondly, thou shalt not turn without using thy indicator and thirdly, thou shalt not stop in path of oncoming traffic…

You see, the reason for my erratic driving behaviour was a toddler – no more than 3 years old – running toward me on the opposite side of the road with no parent in sight.

Instinctively, without hesitation – I was in the middle of committing some fairly major traffic offences in my attempt to shield the child from the oncoming traffic. And then the mother appeared, she was racing from her SUV parked in a nearby driveway, she was literally running out of her high heel shoes, shouting out in her attempt to stop her young son…

Ok let’s freeze the action for a moment… I would like you to think this was a simple ‘hero helps fair damsel in distress’ story but unfortunately life is never quite so neat.

No, eventually the parent who comes running towards me is not a woman running out of her high heels but instead he is an Islander man – with no shoes, his hair in dreads.

As I go to get out of my vehicle – that’s stopped like a patrol car on the wrong side of the road – I call after him, “Can I help you ?” and he answers “No, it’s Ok !” and within seconds he has scooped up his son into his arms and they are off the road.

I am not the hero of this story and as I began driving on the right side of the road again I heard a short sharp smack and a little boy crying…

Sometimes we have no choice but to go against the flow…